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How to Tell if He Really Loves You

He may say that he loves you, but how can you tell? What if he never even actually said the words? Telling whether or not a guy loves you can be tricky, but it's doable. You will have to look for different signs, such as how much time he spends with you or how much effort he puts into the relationship. Keep in mind that every guy is different, so not all of the tips in this wikiHow may apply to your man.

Part One of Three:
Observing His Actions
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  1. 1
    Notice how he treats you. If your boyfriend loves you, he will treat you with respect. That means that he listens to you and cares about what's going on in your life. He notices the little things that you like and goes out of his way to give them to you. He values you as a person, and he genuinely listens to your opinions. Doing these things shows he honestly cares about you.
  2. 2
    See how much you question his feelings. If a guy really loves you, it's doubtful you'll need to question it. That is, he's going to make you feel his love in one way or another, by showing you how he feels and saying it to you.[1]
    • On the other hand, you have to make sure that maybe you're not letting your insecurities overrule the emotions of someone who obviously loves you. In other words, you may not feel like he loves you, but it could be just your anxieties talking. If past partners have said you get clingy sometimes, it may be a sign you're insecure. You may also notice yourself trying to be extra nice to win his love or trying to meet his needs all the time without thinking about your own.[2]
    • One way to combat this type of insecurity is to pay attention to what you're feeling instead of always focusing on others; take the time to identify each emotion. As you identify emotions, notice how it guides your behavior. If you're feeling upset and you start worrying that your boyfriend doesn't love you, you may find yourself trying to please him more. Often, these anxieties are unfounded, especially if he's finding ways to show his love all the time.[3]
    • Also, it's important to identify the source of your insecurity. Maybe you've internalized the critical voice of one of your parents, or maybe you've had rotten luck in past relationships with guys who have mistreated you. Don't just let your inner critic run wild. Instead, talk back to it. When you catch yourself doubting the other person or yourself, try to turn it around. For instance, if you find yourself saying "He didn't call me back, so he probably doesn't love me anymore," try to stop the thought. Say, "No, that's not right. He tells me he loves me every day. He probably just got busy."[4]
  3. 3
    Check to see how much time he spends with you. A guy who loves you is going to want to spend time with you. If he makes time for you on a regular basis and goes out of his way to see you, he's likely in love with you.[5]
    • Watch to see if he blows you off. If your guy doesn't really care, he's more likely to blow you off. That means he won't make time for you as often as you'd like, and when he does, he may cancel at the last minute. If he's not consistently making time for you, then he probably doesn't love you.[6]
    • Of course, sometimes, a guy is going to have a legitimate reason to cancel on you. However, he should try to give you as much notice in advance as possible. He should also be interested in rescheduling. If he's not, he may not be that into you.
  4. 4
    See if he's willing to do part of the work. That is, he should be willing to come up with plans and dates, not just you. You shouldn't have to schedule everything yourself. If he's willing to take the lead at least part of the time, he probably cares for you.[7]
    • One way to make sure he's willing is to don't plan everything. Give your guy a chance to plan dates for you. He should be willing to take the initiative if he cares about you.[8]
  5. 5
    Make sure he's willing to compromise. Being in a relationship means making sacrifices sometimes by compromising with another person. That means, sometimes he gives a little more, and sometimes you give a little more. For instance, it may mean he's willing to go see a movie that he knows he's not going to like, while you're willing to go to the sport's bar sometimes, even if it's not your thing. If he's willing to participate in some give and take, then he's probably starting to fall in love with you.
  6. 6
    Notice if he does the small things. For instance, does he ask you if you want water when he goes to the kitchen? Does he plug in your phone when he notices it's low? If he anticipates what you need and does little things to make your life better, then he probably loves you.[9]
  7. 7
    Make sure he's not embarrassed by you. If a guy loves you and wants to be with you, then he shouldn't be embarrassed by you. That means that he's at least willing to introduce you to friends and family. If he doesn't want to introduce you, that may mean he's not sure about you yet. Though he could have other reasons not to want to introduce you (such as your religious differences), being embarrassed can be a red flag.
  8. 8
    See if he likes to be close to you in public. This step goes hand-in-hand with the previous one. If he's embarrassed by you, he won't draw you close in public. In other words, watch to see if he likes to pull you close in public or if he likes to publicly display his affection, such as by holding hands or giving you a hug. If he doesn't, it may be that he's not that into you, though it could also just be that he's shy in public.[10]
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Part Two of Three:
Interpreting His Communications
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  1. 1
    Watch how he communicates. If he only calls once a week and barely has anything to say, that's probably not a good sign. However, if he spontaneously texts, emails, and calls on a regular basis, then he probably can't get you out of his mind, meaning he loves you.[11]
    • However, every guy is different. Maybe he's an introvert, and he doesn't like to spend every minute with another person, even someone he loves. Make sure you try to figure out what kind of person he is before jumping to conclusions.
  2. 2
    Pay attention to what he cares about. That is when you get together, does he ask questions about you and your day? Does he seem to genuinely care about what's going on in your life? If he's truly interested in what you're doing, he likely cares about you.[12]
  3. 3
    See if he remembers. Of course, guys (and people) in general are going to forget things, including important dates and past conversations. But if he makes an effort to remember important dates, and he is paying attention to the conversations you have by bringing them up later, then he is likely in love with you.[13]
  4. 4
    Notice if he cares enough to fight. To truly fight with someone, you need to care about that person, and then find a way to make amends. If he's not willing to fight or if he just brushes off arguments with a shrug, he may not care that deeply about you.
    • You don't necessarily need to have knock-down, drag-out fights. But you both need to be able to express your opinions and thoughts, even if it leads to an argument. If he doesn't seem willing to engage, he may not be into you.
  5. 5
    Pay attention to his grammar. That is if he starts using "we" on a regular basis, rather than just "I," that could be a sign he loves you. "We" indicates he's started thinking of you as a unit, a couple, which means he's starting to commit to you being together.[14]
  6. 6
    Note if you have your own language. If you have your own language, including pet names and inside jokes, that's a good sign. It means that he cares enough about you to fully engage in the relationship. If he has a pet name for you (and only you), it likely means he's at least falling for you.
  7. 7
    Don't be afraid to ask. If you're in a healthy relationship, you can simply have a conversation about your feelings. Talk about what you like about him, and tell him what you are feeling. In turn, ask if he has the same kinds of feelings for you.
    • For instance, you could say, "I think I'm falling in love with you. I'm not sure if you feel the same way, so I'm feeling a little insecure."
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Part Three of Three:
Understanding Why He Might Not Say "I Love You"
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  1. 1
    Know he's afraid of rejection. Saying "I love you" makes you vulnerable, as the other person may not reciprocate those feelings. He may feel afraid that you'll reject his love, even if you've shown him, you love him already.[15]
  2. 2
    Understand how the past affects the present. If he's been in a bad relationship in the past, he may not be as willing to jump in emotionally to this relationship. Therefore, don't automatically assume something's wrong if he hasn't said it yet; he may just be waiting until he feels ready to make a commitment to you.[16]
  3. 3
    Realize some guys have a hard time verbalizing emotions. It may be that he just doesn't like to talk about his emotions. Instead, maybe he prefers just to show how he feels about you, making you a priority in his life.
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    TipsEdit

    • When he trusts you enough to share his problems and insecurities with you and seeks advice from you, it means that what you think matters a lot to him.
      21 Helpful?  2
    • Talk to him and tell him how you feel.
      16 Helpful?  2
    • Don't assume he doesn't love you if you aren't willing to ask.
      9 Helpful?  2
    • Don't misread your situation. Be sure that he likes you before you jump to conclusions.
      9 Helpful?  4
    • Just because he doesn't say "I love you" all the time doesn't mean he does not love you. Sometimes he can get nervous by saying it even though he knows you will say it back.
      13 Helpful?  1
    • Have a good strong conversion about what you wanna do in the future together and if he keeps pushing it away it could mean he is not into you or it's a soft topic for him and you need to tell him its okay that he has you that you'll always be there if he needs to talk that way he will open up but if he does then you need to to good conversion skills are needed in a healthy relationship.
      8 Helpful?  1
    Add

    About This Article

    539 votes - 83%
    Co-authors: 119
    Updated:
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    Reader Success Stories

    • S

      Sherry

      Aug 27, 2017

      "I'm paranoid and scared of relationships. In other words, I'm afraid of getting hurt. That's why I read your article, so it could help me realize if his feelings are real and I won't end up hurting! Your article was very helpful because he does most of these things. Knowing that he does all of this out of love is helping me get rid of my paranoia, thank you."..." more
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      Wanda Mackie

      Jun 6, 2016

      "This article helped me feel so much better about my relationship with my new man! I love him, and realize from this article how much he truly loves me! He has said it to me many times. However, I always had to say "I love you" first, and I didn't know why."..." more
    • AL

      Andrea L.

      Jun 1, 2017

      "It really helped me. I have someone that I like. Couple of times I found him staring at me, it's cute. I wasn't sure if I like him, but now I know that I don't like him, I love him. He's shy, so I will have to confess, but I am shy too, so wish me luck!"..." more
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      Emily Halliday

      Oct 4, 2017

      "Was feeling very insecure about my relationship with my boyfriend and paranoid due to my inability to trust him because I've been betrayed before in past relationships. This has made me realize that he loves me, and would never intentionally hurt me."..." more
    • BR

      Bridget Rambedu

      Jul 29, 2017

      "It has helped me a lot because I'm in a situation where I'm in love with a guy; I'm not sure how he feels because I'm scared to ask him because I fear rejection. Reading this helped me to try establish whether he cares about me."..." more
    • LW

      Lauren Wood

      May 22, 2017

      "This article made me realize that my boyfriend might not be ready to jump into the deep end of the pool quite yet, and that we are still learning things about each other and taking things slowly."..." more
    • SP

      Sarah Parabia

      Feb 23, 2017

      "I really appreciate him, because he introduced me to his family and friends. He's not scared to show in public places that I am his girlfriend, that's why I love him. He's really nice to me."..." more
    • TJ

      Tsatsi Jess

      Jan 22

      "The relationship advice I personally need in my life right now were all lists. How to fix a relationship and how to tell if a guy loves you. It made me look at things in a different light."..." more
    • AM

      Allison Miller

      Mar 6, 2017

      "There is a boy in math class that really acts weird. I thought maybe he loves me, so I looked it up. I found this website. He does just about all of this stuff. Thanks for helping."..." more
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      Berna Terry

      Feb 13, 2017

      "Even though he said he loves me, I felt that it was not true. All the efforts he did for me, I felt that everything is not enough to prove his love! Now I understand."..." more
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      Alyssa Martin

      May 31, 2016

      "I wanted to make sure that my boyfriend really does love me and that he really cares! Now with this article, I know that he does care and he does really love me."..." more
    • A

      Amanda

      Feb 5

      "The first tip was the one I was actually looking for, "Observing His Actions". After reading this I kept observing him; he respects me a lot and I love it."..." more
    • PT

      Pauline Terrey

      Sep 3, 2017

      "I found this article so helpful, down to earth and practical. It helped me settle my thoughts and gave practical ways to move forward with him. Thank you!"..." more
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      May 31, 2017

      "Really is true all that was stated, and made me think of things to consider and hints to do with my relationship. Thank you so much for the wisdom."..." more
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      Briana Hover

      May 9, 2017

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      Litz Okwong

      Aug 29, 2017

      "Helped very much. I have a guy who I think loves me but am not sure. I loved the bit of he does small things to make you happy."..." more
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      Oct 14, 2017

      "It's so easy to concentrate or even be obsessed with just one thing, these tips helped me to see many other points of view! "..." more
      Rated this article:
    • EM

      Erin McFarland

      Mar 8, 2016

      "This article helped me realize that, if you have a boyfriend, he must really love you and he really does care about you."..." more
    • VC

      Vania Costa

      Mar 21, 2016

      "A very well-written, straightforward, and clear article. wikiHow is always one of my first choices to read. Thanks!"
    • Chidimma Okereke

      Aug 20, 2017

      "It's so amazing , I learned a lot from it because I'm so afraid to fall in love again do to my past experience."
    • A

      Anonymous

      May 1, 2017

      "The way this helped me is that I can now improve myself to show my gf that I love her and that I care about us."
      Rated this article:
    • SL

      Sara Lincoln

      Nov 11, 2017

      "My boyfriend is the nicest person I've ever met, but I can't seem to build up the courage to hold his hand. "
    • JUiiCEbOXX WETT

      Apr 25, 2017

      "I really appreciate it. I already knew in my mind what the story said, so it helped me listen to my heart."
      Rated this article:
    • AB

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      May 5, 2016

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      "I've learn a lot because some relationships fall apart because of assuming something rather than asking."
      Rated this article:
    • TT

      Thato Tamane

      Aug 9, 2017

      "At least now I know that my new man really loves me and I love him so so much. I am hoping for the best!"
    • KA

      Kayla Ann

      Oct 26, 2017

      "It helped me by explaining to me that he should respect me and pay me attention instead of my friends."
      Rated this article:
    • AA

      Athena Abney

      Sep 22, 2017

      "My boyfriend was kinda distant for a few day but this article helped me figure out he still loves me."
    • JB

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      Jun 30, 2017

      "It helped me realize I need to communicate with my boyfriend. He is very shy and afraid of rejection."
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