How to Ask a Girl to a Dance

Are you a bit too shy to ask your favorite girl to the school dance? Making a plan and practicing what you’ll say can help you feel more confident. Asking a girl to a dance is all about destroying your fear of rejection and being the real you, because a guy with nothing to lose is a guy girls want to be around.

Part One of Three:
Popping the Question

  1. 1
    Find out whether she already has a date. Before asking a girl to a dance, you should find out if she already has a date. Try asking, "So who are you going to the dance with?" If she doesn’t have a date, you’ve found the perfect opportunity to ask her to go with you.[1]
  2. 2
    Ask her in person. Though you may be tempted to ask her over text message, she’ll appreciate it more if you ask her in person. You can text her to see if she’ll meet up with you, or find her before or after class.[2]
  3. 3
    Make sure that you two are alone. Find a private area at school (but not too private), and ask her there. If you ask her in public, she may feel pressured to say yes and this also puts her in an embarrassing situation. Asking her in public could also be embarrassing for you if she declines your invitation!
  4. 4
    Be confident. Take a deep breath before you approach her. Look her straight in the eyes and keep your head up during the conversation so you appear present and engaging. No matter how nervous you are, take your time.[3]
  5. 5
    Tell her that she looks nice. Start the conversation by saying something like, “You look very nice today.” Hopefully, she'll appreciate the compliment and it will make the “asking her out” part so much easier.
  6. 6
    Make your move. Be straightforward and explain that you want her to be your date. Say something like “Would you like to go to the dance with me?” or “I was hoping we could go to the dance together. What do you think?”
    • If she already has a date, you can say something like, “Oh, that’s a bummer. I was hoping we could go together. Maybe next time?”

Part Two of Three:
Coming Up With a Creative Way to Ask

  1. 1
    Bring her a small gift. Pick up something simple like flowers or candy. Give the gift to her before you ask if she’ll be your date. There won't be as much pressure on her to say yes if you stick with something simple, and she'll appreciate the kind gesture.[4]
  2. 2
    Get romantic. Asking her in a romantic way will create a memory she won’t forget. One idea is to put a bunch of keys in a bucket and label one with the words “find the key to my heart.” Label it with your address, and hopefully she'll follow cue and come over to your house where you can finally ask her to the dance.[5]
  3. 3
    Spell it out. Write your message on balloons and deliver them to her. Each balloon could have a different word on it (e.g. one balloon each for “Will” “you” “go” “to” “the” “dance” “with” “me” “?”). You could also spell out your message in candy, like jellybeans or lollipops. Get permission (from the principal or her parent) to put the candy message in her locker or her bedroom.[6]
  4. 4
    Write it in chalk. Get permission from her parents to decorate her driveway. Spell out your message, or simply put “Dance?” Get creative by using a variety or colors or illustrating your message.[7]
  5. 5
    Create a treasure hunt. Design a treasure hunt with a map that will lead her straight to you. For example, draw a map of your school and add a dotted line leading to the parking lot. Wait there for her to arrive, and present her with flowers or candy for completing the hunt. Then ask her to the dance.[8]

Part Three of Three:
Planning to Ask Her

  1. 1
    Ask her a few weeks before the dance. Don't wait to ask her on the day of the dance. She might already have a date by then, and there's a chance that she'll think she wasn't your first choice. Ask her around two to three weeks before the dance. This also gives her time to figure out what to wear.
  2. 2
    Practice what you’ll say. Spend a few minutes going over what you want to say so you don’t trip over your words when the time comes. You can even practice in front of the mirror until your question sounds casual and sincere. Make sure you have a go-with-the-flow attitude.[9]
  3. 3
    Dress nicely. You don't have to go all out and wear something like a suit; save that for the dance. Just make sure you've showered, your hair looks nice, and that you're wearing an outfit that doesn't look sloppy.[10]
    • Use deodorant and brush your teeth beforehand.
    • Don't overdo it on the cologne, as this might push her away.
  4. 4
    Remember, no means no. If she says she doesn't like you in that way or just says “no,” then back off. Nothing ticks a girl off more than an annoying guy that doesn't leave her alone. Not only is it rude, but it can make her dislike you more.
    • If she says "no," do not ask why. Say something like, "Oh, all right. No problem."
    • If she says, "I'll think about it," don't call her for a confirmed response. Wait until she calls you back. If she doesn't call back three days before the date of the dance, take it as a no.

Community Q&A

  • What if you just want to ask her as a friend in junior high?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Make it clear that you would like to go to the dance with her as friends. Do not lead her on!
    Thanks! 35 1
  • My girl is in a different part of the school. What should I do? We only have pie and lunch to talk.
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Ask her out at lunch time, but in a secluded area like in an empty hallway.
    Thanks! 20 1
  • Should I kiss the girl I bring to the dance?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • You should only kiss her if you've gotten to know her very well throughout the night. If she doesn't seem comfortable with it, you'll have to give her space.
    Thanks! 42 5
  • What if you don't have a lot of time to ask her, like 6/7days?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Ask her as soon as possible! Act casual, compliment her, and go ahead and ask. Tell her you're sorry for asking her so late.
    Thanks! 20 2
  • What if she likes me and doesn't want to go to the dance with me?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • The best you can do is respect her decision. Don't push her to do anything she doesn't want to do.
    Thanks! 24 3
  • If she said we're going as friends, does that mean I'm rejected or did she say yes?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • It means that she likes you as a friend and that you're not going as her date.
    Thanks! 36 6
  • This girl is from my school and I want to dance with her at Catillian. Wouldn't it make it evident I like her?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Possibly, but if she says yes, than that might mean that she likes you, too. You are taking that chance when you ask a girl to a dance.
    Thanks! 21 3
  • What if you can't dance and are afraid?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • No worries! Ask one of your friends to teach you or take a dance class beforehand. Slow dances are pretty simple because they pretty much just require swaying back and forth with your date.
    Thanks! 20 3
  • What if I forget my pick up lines?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Just say what's on your mind. Be straightforward and speak from your heart.
    Thanks! 19 7
  • How do you get a boy to ask you to elementary school dance?
    Answered by wikiHow Contributor
    • Be yourself around him. Hopefully he'll see how awesome you are and ask you to the dance.
    Thanks! 6 15
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  • Be yourself.
    13 Helpful?  0
  • Be a gentleman and show her kindness and respect.
    13 Helpful?  4
  • Go easy on yourself. Not everything has to be absolutely perfect.
    12 Helpful?  2


  • Never have a friend ask her for you; girls would rather you had the courage to do it yourself.
    12 Helpful?  0

About This Article

64 votes - 79%
Co-authors: 108
Views: 444,651
Categories: Asking Someone Out

Reader Success Stories

  • TO

    Tyler Obermiller

    Dec 12, 2017

    "I really like this girl at school and I figured there will be more dances, so I asked her if we could just go as friends. She said yes. Thanks a lot for this article."..." more
  • J


    May 5, 2016

    "I like this girl at my school, and now, after reading this, feel like I can do this, even if I face rejection!"
  • Alexis HenriquezGonz

    Oct 2, 2017

    "It helped me know how to ask a girl to Homecoming!"
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